I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
