Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
