It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
