I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
In America we eat man semen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
