Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
