Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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