I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
