If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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