He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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