He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
