dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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