he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
