Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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