you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
