Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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