he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
