come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
