after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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