those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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