The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
