Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
