my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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