Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's always time for handjobs
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
