Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
