I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
