She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
