he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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