Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
