Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
