afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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