Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
