Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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