I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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