If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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