I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
