i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
