A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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