I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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