if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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