Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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