Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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