Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
