new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
These tits shall not be calmed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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