So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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