the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
