Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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