need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
