the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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