I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
