.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
