We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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