I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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