ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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