Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
