went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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