getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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