At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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