i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
